She was sorting out her playlist when she came
across the songs folder of Akon- The sensational American R&B crooner. In
it was a track Dangerous. She hit Play button but paused at the very words of
the song- That girl is so dangerous, pressed the Play button again, which took
her to the moment that happened six years ago.
It was a public
hall with competitions cased. A large auditorium dimmed with low bulb lights. Many
schools, host of teachers, all kinds of uniform were lightly visible. That
smell of junk foods, split cold drinks, crunching of snacks smelt and heard.
The sight of cornered bags, coin filled pockets, white skirts, long pants,
ponytails, gel of hairs, buzzing boys, whispering girls, murmuring
participants, all form a humming buzz. There were papers crushed with points of
debates, discarded by nervous palms. The pounding hearts flinched the fist due
to doubtful confidence, as three teams stood backstage to debate on topic of
Braindrain. This girl acquainted herself with other team participants, and sat
to relax for a second when she saw the tall boy of the adjacent team looking at
her in constant gaze. She ignored all the attempts of the boy who was eager to
come close, and speak to her. She would stay firm, greet other participants
with all rudeness to keep that boy away and avoid his approach. But he would
brisk around her in anxiety, making this confident girl anxious too. The bell
rang, the debate began. All the nervousness, slip of tongue, lose points,
stammering lips, warm body, lost mind fell and tripped and scattered in front
of students, teachers, judges. Jam packed auditorium reverberated with loud speeches,
long lines, longer pauses, and thumbing of dais. More so due to quietness of
the listeners, disinterest of students, focused and distracted judges.
The
moment of judgment and the echo of the memory flashed through the girl's eyes
with the beats of the song that was now playing in background. Her team did not
win neither did the boy’s. Backstage, it was time to see off.
Being an adjacent team, she kept talking to the partner of that boy who would play
with his watch while smiling at her with regret of losing the debate. The girl
was swift and light as a bird, chirping around, with no signs of dejection. She
opened her bottle’s lid and let the water sweep down her face, on her lips,
through the neck, and the boy gaped. She wiped her cheek and was about to leave
when he followed and held her fist tight, she turned back. There
was a rush of students around and fear inside her. She stopped to see the boy had is head up high. She looked up with all
boldness. He smiled at her and dragged her closest, and said “listen to me.” He
hummed something in her ears.
Girl I can
notice but to
Notice you
Noticin' me
From across the room
I can see it that can't stop myself from lookin'
And noticin' you noticin' me
Watch out I seen your type before
girl you so
dangerous
girl you are a bad girl
He looked in her eyes piercing all the covers and
tearing all the curtains of her shyness, sweetness, made-up
rudeness, unseen pain of losing too and spelled- “D-A-N-G-E-R-O-U-S,
listen to this song, it is for you.” He stood close to her moist lips, held her
palm tightly, choking her breathe, stopping her heart, shutting her eyes, there
was nothing around she felt as she opened her eyes, the boy was gone. Faintly
feared, in the crowd of students pushing, playing, abusing, laughing moving out
of the hall; she searched for that young, mad moron, in soaked sweat, through trampling
shoes, among the uniformity of dresses, with different faces, but he was not
seen.
The girl returned
home. Restless she locked herself in her room. She searched for the song, and listened to it
and hated it for its tongue on cheek lyrics. She wondered what it was. Why this song? What was he trying to say? She
six years back wondered was he really Lucifer who would have sealed the case
that day had he not disappeared. What kind of boy he was she thought. Wasn't it
strange? What through that song did he wanted to say that he
- was the last man on earth,
I would only take that girl, end the search.
She was a carefree
girl. Though young, beautiful, in sweet sixteen, she lived with childish style,
sans cosmetics, sans pseudonyms. She did not invest much for her beauty. She
was raw and loved to wear mild perfume with her neat, ironed white uniform. She
was thin, strong and tall. She had something smartly natural yet simply magnetic, maybe her
smile or the way she carried herself that attracted boys. Her soft spoken
manners made her look refreshing and resplendent. She assumed that boys are
friends and that being a tomboy she would never fall in prey of brats. She did
receive many friendship bands, chocolates, cards and letters written in wrong grammar but she never spared a thought for the intimate emotions. In her world, there
was nothing beyond friendship. A stranger was to her a threat until they meet every
day, play every day and become friends.
So the boy's intentions through the song dedication
infuriated her. Was there an intention? Who knew? The voice of the boy's utterance haunted her. Was he stalking
her sensibility? Did he harm her emotional virginity? What was the song all
about? It was hard to catch up with the beats but she was drawn towards it. Why would he think of her Itty
bitty waistline, good bodyship,
She did not understand the fast flowing words
-I wanna make my black snake moan
Talk a little bit then take that off
When she on the dance floor – tell 'em I rip
The girl really wished to kill that boy and he would
rest in peace who stirred her peace, acted phony and hummed such a B-A-D song.
she hated the lines-
Shes bad and she know the deal
She thought she was
bullied, harassed to the hilt. She could not share it with anyone. What would
her friends think? A strange boy comes up and sings a R-A-U-N-C-H-Y track to
her and she could not even hit him. A girl who plays and hangs out with her buddies suddenly stood unarmed. It was hard on her part to think of a
reason why he got lost. Maybe he was afraid of her reaction. She cursed
herself not to have listened to Akon. Why did she close her eyes, got
scared and let a stranger hold her hand, move his lips and impure her ears to make her as miserable as she was, sitting listening to the track, wiping her unending tears. She was confused about her heart's longing for that boy's presence. Her heart was trying to justify his absence. Her heart knew he wanted to say more but could not. Her heart believed it was not a right place and time but her mind would nullify all her heart's justifications. He was brat and the song was B-A-D. But its music had something rolling with it, a recurring lust, a bohemian calling, a constant urge.
The song sounded good but she felt bad. The rhythm roared in her mind, the
beats bruised her delicate heart; she thought was it really the way she walked?
-I see you got that fire by the way that you
walkin
From left to right I watched her go down
Girl I just want it right now don't wanna do no
talkin
She did not know when she stopped listening to that
song, went to bed, fell asleep, the song still playing in the background.
It was six years now,
the song plays again. Now, she sits and smiles, shaking her legs and moving her
hands to that very track which once tormented her. Now she wonders it was just
a song a boy felt would share with her. Now she thinks she must have given the
boy the chills, he was infatuated, he was in a moment's love maybe, or he just
wanted to cheer her up. Maybe he himself did not know the meaning
of the song. Now she laughs how back in 16 she listened to a track trying to
know a boy a million times in just a single day. Now she listens how
rapturously he sang the song....few words, zest in tone, strength in his
clutching of her palm, the boundless spirit. Now she could say the boy was
handsome, and feel the hardness of his palm. He must have been in some sport he was
so tall. Now she could see the liking in his eyes, the reason behind his
smile, and the effort of his heart. Now she realized it was one moment
when a young boy really tried well to woo or shock or tickle or tease a girl.
Now she agreed that just for a moment he stole her heart through that song.
Now that moment was gone,
but in her playlist the song was here to stay...for now and forever.
Vishakha Sen
